Today I’m letting you guys in on some of the weirdest marriage advice I’ve ever received. Most of this horrible advice was said directly to me and geared toward me as a woman. Some of it is sexist and outdated, while some are just comical, cliched, and strange. I get it, NOBODY is an expert on marriage, and generally, I welcome the wisdom that comes with the long haul, but some of these have been real head-scratchers for me, especially the deeper I get into this thing known as marital bliss.
Don’t forget that divorce is an option.
Ummm, I mean, obviously I am aware of that, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to view it as a last resort and not the solution to a disagreement over what to eat for dinner.
Make sure you always put in effort to wear makeup and dress cute when he gets home, no matter how tired you are from dealing with the baby
Oh, hey! The 50’s just called looking for their old windbag full of outdated bullshit! I’m lucky I can wash my hair most days between worrying about my daughter, my job, and my business, so the last thing I care about is how it would make my husband feel if I slapped on some lipstick and curled my hair for his arrival. Actually, scratch that – it would make my husband confused and possibly even annoyed as to why I would go to such a ridiculous effort when I am clearly running on empty.
Make sure you always make yourself “available” when your husband wants sex.
Seriously, though, what year is it? This bullshit right here is why feminism and sexual revolutions even happened…
Never let him know if he is right; always maintain the upper hand.
This just sounds like a lousy idea… are we discussing marriage or the Hunger Games?
If the argument gets really bad, just leave for a few days.
And, go where exactly? I’m going to need more here… Does the problem that started the argument disappear with me? Am I supposed to tell my spouse where I am or allow him to fret and worry to the point that our discussion is no longer a concern? How exactly does this remedy the original problem and lead to resolution?
As long as you love each other everything else will come easy.
There has never been a bigger or smellier crock of shit than this, Marriage is hard as hell and takes a TON of work. Loving your spouse doesn’t mean that you will always like them, or that you will see eye to eye on all issues. Love is not the be all end all of marriage!
Spend more time driving your husband toward his passions than you do focusing on yours.
We can’t both have passions? Can’t we drive and push each other to be our best possible selves? In this day and age, how can anyone think it is still okay to promote this submissive wife, happy life bullshit? We are two individual, equal people who are supposed to build each other up and carry each other in times of need. A woman should not be giving up the pursuit of their passions just because she has a flashy ring!
Don’t go to bed angry.
This horrible cliche advice had been addressed in so many articles that it has virtually become a joke of itself. Still, people love to pull this one out and deliver it on a silver platter to every newlywed they encounter. Please, do yourselves a favor, and go to bed angry. You will regret saying something you may not mean because your emotions are being compounded with fatigue. Also, you will have a much more unobstructed view of the situation after a decent night’s sleep.
Don’t bother your husband with the daily stresses of your life; he has his own worries, and it will just add to his stress levels.
From what I have learned of marriage, holding things in and letting them fester, instead of venting and sharing with your spouse, is pretty much a golden ticket to an all-out explosion.
So, have you guys decided who’s in charge yet?